My Son's diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

“I am different, not less. ” ― Temple Grandin, Dr. Grandin is a noted autistic who is an author, speaker, cited expert in many publications, and video producer.

        My son, Sean Bruce Pau was born on 26th January 2010 at 1:12pm, place of birth = Kuching Specialist, weight at birth = 3.24kg, length at birth =51cm, head circumference = 33.5cm. Doctors said he was a healthy normal baby at birth and we were so happy for him. I fell in love with him the first time I saw him. No! Should have fallen for him when I carried him in my womb...;) .. Sean is an active little baby; he likes to smile, kick his legs and tries to get up when he sees us walking around. His hobby? Naturally he loves to drink milk. I remember during my confinement, I used to wake up several times at night just to breastfeed him. This makes him grows up pretty fast, and I will not forget that moment. He seems so normal, so perfect to me, just like any other normal kid. We never suspected him to have any disorder.

        As time goes by, at the age of 1, Sean still couldn’t walk and talk. Not a single word like, mamam, mama, papa, bobom..etc. All he knew was just to cry out or scream if he wants something. This kind of worried me a bit, and when I talk to my mom, she said that he is only 1 year old, "...just give him more time," she said.

        At the age of 1 year and 2 months, he could finally stand up on his own without holding/hanging on anything. We are very happy especially his elder sister, Shenna. Finally she has a companion to play with. At the age of 1 year 5 months, he passes his 'walking exam'. Finally he could walk and run by himself, and we had a 'great time' chasing him around. He is very active and is unable to sit still even for a while. He likes to flap his hands repeatedly and walk tip-toeing every time he gets excited or happy. He has this strange obsession to spinning objects, especially wheels, any wheels as long as it spins, such as toy car's wheel, bicycle's wheel and etc. He could stay a long period of time spinning the wheel. Other than that, he likes to spin his body, repeatedly, with his black eyes rolled to the corner of his eyes. Or he'll shake his head to the left and right, repeatedly. I don't understand why, and all the while i thought it was normal behaviour. There is one thing that bothered me the most, and that is he likes to scream and roll his body on the floor whenever he gets angry or upset. I thought this is normal too as I have seen some kids acting like this, so we didn't take too much notice of it. But still, no words from him.

Obsession toward spinning objects 

        On November 2011, the three of us (myself, Shenna and Sean) went back to Kuching for a holiday, and hubby was left behind as he needs to work. At that time, Sean was 1 year and 10 months. He still couldn't talk, still very active and aggressive... but this time a bit different. He would show his anger by banging his head on the floor or wall, followed by rolling his body on the floor, with both legs kicking. I feel miserable when I saw bruises on his head, and I’m so worried about him. Then I began to realise that whenever I called him by his name, he shows no response. Less eye contact, and sometimes none at all. His behaviour is getting worse especially when he is angry or upset, I can’t bring him anywhere by myself because I can’t control his behaviour, and this really stressed me, making me feel really tired.

        Back in Bintulu, he has his check up at the age of 2. The nurse examined him by calling his name. The same thing happened, still no respond. He still couldn't talk. The nurse suggests me to see a Paediatric Specialist. Normally kids will be able to form 2 words at the age of 2. I wasn’t very worried that time because I still don’t know what autism is. I thought he was just a bit late in his speech and should be fine after some time. We made an appointment with a Paediatric Doctor at General Hospital Bintulu. It was on 7th March 2012, when we received the first word from the doctor. Sean has "AUTISM". But he still cannot confirm it yet because Sean is still very young, and he needs further assessment. On the examination, the doctor stated Sean as;

1. Likely Autism/Asperger Spectrum Disorder.
2. Active, brief eye contact.
3. Communication

• Speech – only sounds or screams, no meaningful words.
• Non-verbal – minimal
• Social interaction – no shared emotions.

4. Play – repetitive play (play with wheels by spinning it repetitively), no imaginative play.

        I was speechless, hoping that they might be wrong about Sean. The doctor said, firstly, Sean has to go for audiology test in Sibu, to check whether his ear is in good condition. But I am positive that he is not deaf. The doctor explained that he is definitely not deaf, but he might not be able to hear clearly. The audiology test is on 12th July 2012, and another appointment at Clinic PERPIKAT Bintulu on 3rd July 2012.

        On the way back, we were very silent in the car. Sean was asleep, and my hubby didn’t say a word but I know he was thinking about our little boy. Obviously he was just as worried as I was. Back home, I made a lot of research about autism, studied about it, read articles about people in history who were diagnosed with it. We also bought a lot of toys for Sean to develop his brain, mostly puzzle type, cube blocks with alphabet letter on it, Lego (built) and toy cars (big and small).

        Autism is a disorder of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and communication, and by restricted and repetitive behaviour. For more info about autism, please follow this link Autism and Autism Spectrum

        One month later, Sean still plays with his toy car’s wheel by spinning it over and over. Sometimes he rides on it..:D... There’s a change in Sean’s playing pattern. He begins to arrange his toy cars in one straight line...even the blocks and Lego which he arranges one straight line. I was surprise at first, since nobody taught him of this before. Actually, his behaviour worried me, because I knew this is one of autism’s symptoms, which is called Compulsive Behaviour, i.e. intended and appears to follow rules, such as arranging objects in stacks or lines. I was depressed and so stressed, crying in my heart, recalling back what I had done wrong, blaming myself for being careless, couldn’t sleep at night, worried about Sean, worried about his future. I know I have to be strong, I pray to God to help me to think positively, to make me stronger. I will never give up on you, son.

Arranging objects in line

        On 3rd July, 2012, it was Sean's 1st appointment at Clinic PERPIKAT Bintulu, he is diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Sean needs to follow up training there. Earlier awareness and training might help him become better in the future. We are doing our best for him, and Sean is doing his best so far. He is a smart boy.

        We took him for an Audiology Test on 12th July, 2012 at General Hospital Sibu. There are 2 parts for the test, which is the outer and inner part of his ear. Sean passed the outer part. The results for the inner part, was not accurate, maybe because Sean was having a flu. There is also another method to test the inner part of the ear, but when they tried to test him on his forehead, he suddenly woke up and they couldn't give him another sleeping dose, of course. The session had to be postponed to another appointment, which is 18 September, 2012. Hope everything is going to be alright. We are hopeful for the future, waiting for his test this coming September.

Sean on Audiology Test at Sibu

“You're a puzzling boy that leaves us a million questions, your sudden screams/laughter which we don't understand. You act in your own way, making me think, 'am i a failure as a mom?'...I begin to think back what went wrong, while trying not to scare myself coz I need to be strong...but please tell me how to reach your little heart...” – mom.


-The End-